Monday, December 28, 2009

In Between the Holidays

Made it through Christmas. Next comes New Year's. I've never really celebrated it since growing up. The family celebrations as a kid were great. But I never cared for the 'adult' celebrations. Stupid drunks, lame excuses to hook up, pressure to be so glam. Ugh.

My husband and I went out once for New Year's. We had an OK time, but it was too much of a hassle and we don't care to do it again. We usually sleep through it now.

Christmas Dinner didn't go so well. I had to improvise a substitute when the ham I'd bought to cook turned out to be spoiled. As soon as I opened it, the stench hit me. So I tossed it and wound up baking chicken breasts on the dressing. They turned out OK and I had a ton of other food. We bought a ham later and I cooked it. I'm making soup from its bone and the left-over vegetables from Christmas dinner. It's pretty darn good.

Now comes the taking down of the decorations and putting them away for another year. That's always a sad duty. But frankly, I'm glad to get the holidays over. Very stress-ful, especially when I'm not sure if my health will hold up and when we don't have any money.

But we had a good one. We were all healthy and alive. We went to midnight mass. The hubs and the kids went to Sunday mass. I didn't feel well but I should've gone too. I just couldn't drag myself into the shower or get dressed. I think I'm slipping back into depression.

But I'm not going to give in, dammit! That's my New Year's Resolution this time. I'm not going to mope around and feel sorry for myself or get all depressed over everything. If I die this year, so be it. I need to cram all the living I can into the next few hours, days, weeks or months I have left.

I have to face the fact there are things in my life I'll never accomplish; as Pink Floyd said in "Breathe" :

And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun.
And you run and you run
To catch up with the Sun
But it's sinking;
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The Sun is the same
In a relative way
But you're older;
Shorter of breath, One day closer to Death.
So that's the way life goes.

2 comments:

  1. I, too, used to feel sadness at putting everything away. Now I am only to glad to pack it all up.

    I admire you for facing your depression head on. Is it possible to talk to your doctor about meds if you need something to get you over a rough spot or two or ten?

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