Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Interesting Book Trailer

From the Smart Bitches, Trashy Books website: This trailer for hot Cracken love had me laughing.

I'd read it, though.

Wish I could write something people wanted to read. And I keep having ideas during the middle of the night just as I'm drifting off to sleep. However, I can't remember them when I wake up.

Oh, I know the rules: Keep a notebook by the bed to jot down ideas.

Yeah, right. I'm almost asleep. I'm not going to rouse myself to write something down when I'm slipping into the arms of Morpheus. I have a hard enough time falling asleep and staying asleep. I'm not going to interrupt the process.

Speaking of dreams, I keep having dreams about living in Alaska, traveling on roads down from my house in Georgia, and working in either a hospital, nursing home or the managed care offices I once worked in. Talk about nightmares.

I loved working at AdvoCare (Magellan). I also loved working at BACH in AK. I really didn't like that place I worked when I had my sudden cardiac death a couple of years ago (can't even remember the name; thank God I've blocked it out). Neither did I like that nursing home I worked in for a month last year (or was it the year before?).

Before I married, I had good and bad jobs. But since then, I've had either really good ones or really sucky ones. When we first married, I worked in a hospital. I never wanted to see patients again after some 85 year old woman beat me with her call light one night. She was possessed.

Now, however, I can't work. My memory is terrible, but my health is worse. I can't hold out to do physical labor and my memory is so bad, I wouldn't trust myself to do patient care--which is what they wanted me to do at the Nursing Home. I told them I couldn't do it, but they made me do it anyway and then when I couldn't do it correctly, they fired me.

No big loss. I hated that place anyway. I was happy when they let me go. The stress of worrying about it was over. Same with the job before that. I knew I wasn't doing what I needed to do and couldn't force myself to do any better. I plain wasn't able.

Tough to admit: I was always the caretaker for everyone and not being able to do it anymore is absolutely soul-crushing. Plus, I'd never ever been FIRED from any job before. Then to be fired twice in the same month--absolutely devastating.

But, I suppose it was a blessing in disguise. I've had 2 heart attacks since then. I'd never have been able to work effectively. Still, feels weird.

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